In his book Give And Take, Adam Grant describes three types of people [1]:
- Givers: Those people who give with no thought of reward or reciprocity;
- Matchers: Those who will only give if they feel they will get something back in return;
- Takers: Those who take and do not give back.
Grant points out, according to his research, the style that is the least successful are the Givers. Takers can take advantage of Givers’ generosity. Givers may also burn themselves out by giving too much.
So, who are the most successful people?
Also Givers.
Givers thrive when the following conditions are met:
- When they are sheltered from burnout;
- They work in a culture where giving and asking for help are encouraged; and
- The Takers have been weeded out.
I believe another important aspect is appropriate.
Boundaries.
You cannot give to everyone.
It is still possible to give, with no thought of reward, within carefully defined and managed boundaries. Understand what you can achieve and what you can’t and realise that it’s vital to look after yourself if you want to be able to keep giving over the long term.
If you’re asked for something and you can’t help, be honest. Tell the person who’s asked you’re unable to help them. Then point them in the direction of someone who can. That way, at least you’re still giving in the best way possible.
[1] Grant points out that we all have Giving, Matching and Taking traits and will behave with a mix of the styles over the course of our lives. We do, however, have a predominant style that aligns with one of the three.